Noah in 2005

Found this interesting fwd in my inbox... Before you go on reading this, those of you who never heard of the story of Noah and the Ark may want to first get a glimpse of the original story. Once, the world was so corrupted and stained with sin that God was disgusted with it. However He delighted in His one and only faithful servant Noah, who obeyed God and live his life according to His teachings. So God decided to send a huge flood to destroy earth and all its living creatures - man, animals and plants. But He instructed Noah to build a huge ship for him and his family. What God wanted was no ordinary ship, but a gigantic one with enough room for Noah, his family and two animals of every species on earth. Noah obeyed God without questioning His plan. He worked day and night. As soon as he completed the ship, God told him to gather his family and the creatures that he had assembled into the ark. Then God sent thunder, lightning and storm. It rained heavily for 40 days and 40 nights. Even the highest peak was covered with water. All creatures that stirred on earth perished: birds, cattle, wild animals, and all that swarmed on the earth, as well as all mankind. Everything on dry land with the faintest breath of life in its nostrils died out. Truly, everything was destroyed. When the storm was over and the dry land appeared, God instructed Noah to bring everyone out of the ark, including the animals. As they set foot on the ground for the first time after the Flood, they saw a rainbow stretched across the clear blue sky - reminding us of God's promise to us... that He will never ever send such a terrible disaster to destory us again. Then Noah and his descendants lived and multiplied. Now let's look at what I've copied from my inbox... It is the year 2005 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year." Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?" "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the US Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls. The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe. Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard! The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a "recreational water craft." Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has " The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has "

# scribbled by cyAnide at 4/30/2005 01:13:00 PM
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